Long term, committed relationships are challenging on many levels, and sex and romance are no exceptions. Here 3 strategies for improving intimacy and passion:
1.) Be engaged: Talk, watch, and listen. Social science research informs us that there are specific things we can do to turn up the volume on romance and this can mean more and/or better sex. Specifically, these behaviors lead to increased feelings of intimacy are:
These are specific, concrete acts that you can engage in on a daily basis. People do not fall out of love suddenly, but rather couples relationships are either maintained or eroded over time. The daily nurturing and efforts to maintain an intimate connection are therefore both enriching and preventive measures.
2.) Be attentive. We tend to give in ways that reflect who we are and what we want. This does not however really inspire passionate expressions of gratitude and love in a coupledom. If you want to create ongoing romance, find out what says “I love you” to your partner and do it. When a person describes being truly wooed, or being swept off their feet, they are telling the story of someone behaving in a manner in tune with their love and sensuality language. It comes from a kind of attentiveness to ones' daily expressions, preferences, etc. This kind of behavior INSPIRES passion. (read more in Love, & Robinson’s Hot Monogomy).
3.) Last, increase risk taking outside of the bedroom. Break up your routine, learn a new skill, and go to new places together. Visit our Creative Dates section and find local things to do. Research tells us that experiences that are thrilling really do stimulate sexual desire, and that we truly feel and act more alive when we are still learning, being, and feeling. In other words, don’t expect excitement to be limited to in the bedroom, you must be getting excited and invigorated together outside of the bedroom, to be experiencing passion for life.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is this: marital research tells us that avoidance and withdrawal is a predictor of divorce and distress. If you are in a marriage, do not avoid getting help with issues. The average couple comes to counseling after they have had problems for 5-7 years. That's a BIG burial site to uncover. Not impossible, but big. So don't let your self or your partner talk you in to avoiding issues that are getting in the way of marital satisfaction. Visit our Resources section and get help.