Here is a model to understand more about the aspects of functional and dysfunctional sexuality:

Addictive SexualityHealthy Sexuality
Feels ShamefulAdds to self-esteem
Is Illicit, stolen, or exploitiveHas no victims
Compromises valuesDeepens meaning
Draws on fear for excitementUses vulnerability for excitement
Reenacts childhood abusesCultivates sense of being adult
Disconnects one from oneselfFurthers sense of self
Creates world of unrealityExpands reality
Is self-destructive and dangerousRelies on safety
Uses conquest or powerIs mutual and intimate
Is seductiveTakes responsibility for needs
Serves to medicate and kill painMay bring legitimate suffering (grief)
Is dishonestOriginates in integrity
Becomes routinePresents challenges
Requires double lifeIntegrates most authentic parts of self
Requires double life
Is grim and joyless
Is fun and playful
Demands perfectionAccepts the imperfect

From Patrick Carnes’ Don’t Call it Love.